Women Speak Up: Q&A Page
A: Does your north-east background influence your stories, or do you write stories with emphasis on North India to connect with the audience? Tell us about your growing up years and then your journey to Delhi.
P: I was born and brought up, in Rupai Siding. It is a very small town in Assam close to Arunachal Pradesh. Now sitting in Delhi and doing this interview, my own town seems like a whiff of air which has hardly anything to do with the outer world. It’s so small and so far that it feels like a dream when I walk the realities of life. I was raised in a joint family in this sleepy town. There was nothing exceptional about it. Everyday seems like the other day. There was one English medium school, then. I was sent there. My sisters’ also went there. My cousins too. And every kid we knew went there. The funniest thing was, on the day of my admission, it was mandatory that parents went with the child and there was a small interview. My grandparents went with me. My grandfather had no clue about how to speak English. So, my grandparents took me to school and when the headmistress who was a Nun asked me to say the alphabets I refused to go beyond the alphabet D, because I was feeling bored and wanted to play outside with my cousin. I just did not like the fact that she was questioning me in a closed room, with my grandparents just looking at me, who did not understand a word in English. My grandfather stood up and said in Assamese that I have come to school to learn and not to know everything beforehand, so I should be admitted without too many questions. There was a teacher standing next to me who understood Assamese. She translated it to the headmistress. She laughed and I was admitted to school. Of course those were easier times. The Internet or mobile phones were unknown. Our lives revolved around grandparents, lots and lots of relatives, cousins and incidentally parents were the last in the list. In those days children were raised by the huge family. Not only by parents. Our father had a grey ambassador. And we had a red telephone. The only luxuries we had. Dad came home at 4 pm. Only if he dropped to buy something, it was 5 pm. 10 pm we slept. And those days, anyone can drop in anytime and live in our house for months. I have very faint memories of people, who would just stay with us. I don’t know, why people stayed, but they did and no one asked them to leave. Any afternoon you can hear, Maa telling our house help to put more water in the dal, because some guest have arrived and we needed to serve him/her lunch. So, there was nothing like family time. You sat for dinner, lunch or chaai there were always faces I did not know much about. That was the way life was. I was not a bright student. I had a tuition teacher. I once beat him up too. Because I was sleepy and he was teaching me Mathematics. I nailed his skin off. My mother was so worried that she thought that I won’t be able to do much in the world. She had a heartbreak that I beat up my teacher because I was sleepy. I still remember after my teacher left, my mother sat me down and said, “Why are you like this Pompi (Pompi is my nickname)? You don’t study. You don’t talk at all. You refuse to reply to any guest. You sleep walk through school. You participate in no activity. All you do is play in the sand with your cousin or stare at the TV (Our house was being extended so, there was a lot of sand around, for years). What do I do with you? I showed no reaction. The moment she looked the other way, I jumped out of the chair and went to play. My mother must have cried post that. But nothing affected me. I was happy throwing sand at my cousin who was 2 years old. On Sundays I would wake up around 11 am. The whole household would have finished half their day by then. I would just wake up. Switch on the TV and stare at the screen no matter what appeared. Maa would scream so that I brush my teeth. I had a blue toothbrush. I would take it in my hand and sit for an hour without brushing. Dad would come and try to intimidate me and be angry. I would still be unaffected. I would often ask both my parents to just keep quiet because their voices were disturbing the show I was watching. They would leave it there. May be they felt deeply frustrated and also love deeply. Not knowing what to do, because I only reacted to the TV or to my cousins on the play ground, rest I would sleep walk. I would sit on the bed, with my socks until someone belted my shoes. I would be so late that no one would argue but rush me off. But I loved the Sunlight that fell on my face as Dad drove us to school. That was the most beautiful Sunlight I have known. Two best things I remember of my childhood is the smell of my father and the Sun on my face. Both felt warm and I felt safe. And yes! I must have been 8 years old then, we had a fish that died, I organized a long funeral of the fish with my cousins, with flowers and prayers. My parents just watched saying absolutely nothing. As long as I was not sick, and passed from one class to another, there was truce. And behind closed doors everyone thought that I was born with lesser intelligence. I would just stare at people when they asked my name. You can ask me in 100 ways, with chocolates. I will take the chocolate yet refuse to speak a word. My sisters were brilliant. They would dance, talk, recite and sing. Everyone felt proud. I would just sit next to them. But they were protective. They would not let people nudge me too much. They would stand before me and perform in front of guest; I would peacefully eat what was served. That was in nutshell, who I was in another lifetime. And I can go on with many such stories. It was accepted in my house that I had some mental conditions that made me just stand and stare and do nothing much. But that was my gift. No one expected anything out of me. I could see, feel and relate to the world the way I wanted. Without any expectations, my inner world kept evolving without anyone having an ilk of the fact that clusters of stars were bursting and new galaxies were making a way. I had a lot of benefit of everything thinking that I was good for nothing. All that I absorbed in nature, in those long afternoons staring at nowhere or running in the fields nurtured my soul, and now through those memories and nourishment I write/speak now. My readers and listeners always say that my writings are immensely relatable and it feels very healing. The thing is that I still write through the eyes of that little girl who would stare through infinity and run with the wind. My greatest achievement in life is that I never let that girl die and I fiercely protect my inner world. That is where my God stays and nobody is allowed to taint it. I came to Delhi to do my graduation from Miranda House, University of Delhi. Since then I am here. It’s more than a decade. Delhi was difficult in its own way. It was a difficult lover. But I know her very well now. That I fell in love with her. Delhi in return gave me a lot. Assam nurtured a soul. Delhi gave it a voice. Whatever I am today, I owe it to the amazing opportunity this city offers me each day. I am immensely grateful for everything. Now as a storyteller, I don’t consciously bring Northeast in my stories, but I think it’s so seeped within me, that no matter where and how I stood, the green fields and the love of my ancestors showed up. This life is such a gift. I am so grateful for it. A: What do you think is your duty as a female storyteller and as a feminist? P: The only duty I think as a woman storyteller or as a feminist I have is to tell our truths. For centuries, men wrote about women mainly. We were either worshiped or slut shamed. The eco system thrives on women’s silence. And now that we have a chance at telling our stories, we need to speak our truths. Men and women cruise through life differently. I believe my responsibility as a writer/storyteller is to tell my truth, which becomes the collective truth. For example a man might romanticize stalking a woman as love, which over a period of time has become acceptable. But now as a woman I tell what’s it feels to be that girl being chased. History is often silent about the one who is chased. It’s time the chased tells her story. To tell my truth as a woman is my primary responsibility. A: As the feminist movement is gaining momentum in India, what do you think is in store for future female storytellers? P: The future is female. Mark my words. More and more women storytellers with emerge, especially with the advent of the digital media more and more women will share their truths. The #MeToo movement is an uprising that has come from ordinary women telling their stories. I see a future where a lot more stories from everyday women are coming. The world for the longest time has been dominated, owned and dictated by men. And through telling our stories as women, we are finally trying to tell, that we as women matter and we have our own stories that does not always have to be defined by men. I can only say more and more power to every woman making her voice heard. No matter how small, it all adds to our cumulative history. And that history matters. A: You have co-founded a street theater group by the name of Aatish. How did the idea come about? What issues does Aatish raise and how is it different from a conventional theater group? P: Aatish was formed by a few alumni of Miranda House, University of Delhi. They were all part of the Hindi Dramatic society, ‘Anukriti.’ I joined the team and it is five years hence. Of course, the best part about theater activism is that you can reach any part of the world with minimum or no props and talk to the audience through a play. It’s a great way to begin a conversation and spread awareness. So many times, the best response or solution has come from the audience. It is a great way, to bring in new ideas and form a new thought process. Aatish has performed all over India, from a range of issues, which includes health, sanitation, education, gender equality and social justice. A: How do you use your writing/storytelling and theater to bring about social change? P: I started writing because I loved doing it. Over so many years, I realized how things can be changed by my art of either writing or storytelling. I have this simple theory. Doing one thing at a time. I write what disturbs or touches me. I have no agenda. I do it from my heart. And that I think connects with so many. I also believe that if I consciously think that I am going to make a social change, the burden will be too much. I write my truth. The truth that I know at that given point. And if that brings a change, that’s a byproduct. I have never seen myself as an active change agent. I am an ordinary girl in pursuit of happiness. Everything else is a byproduct of that age old pursuit. A: What inspired you to venture into feminism and what made you write specifically on issues related to women and their struggles? P: I lost my granddaddy at 8 and Dad at 11. Post that Maa raised me. I have two elder sisters. So all my growing up years I have seen strong women in the house. Feminism is not what I ventured in; it was something I lived even when I was not aware of the term. I write about women because I know that world. I studied in Miranda House. It was a girl’s college, so I got to know about gender as politics in my course too. I write what I see around. I write about a world I am comfortable in. The women’s world is what I have been exposed very early in life and I write about it. It was never a conscious decision. I am often asked, why I write or tell the stories that I do. In all honestly, I don’t know. I say what feels natural to me. As Lady Gaga would sing, “Born this way.” I am born with a brain that is wired in a certain way. And I function accordingly. Over the years, I have learnt to love the way I am. I know, I don’t function the way many others do. But I think this difference is what makes me who I am. I am overtly sensitive and thoughtful. I fought that trait for the longest time. But the same traits when I accepted made me who I am. Had it not been for those traits, I would not have been here. The trick is to celebrate yourself, the world joins in. To every little girl or boy or anyone out there, who feels they don’t belong to any conventions or feels weird, just look into the mirror and say, “I am born this way. I am beautiful.” The miracles begin post that. Trust me on that. A: Women today have very limited platforms to tell their stories without being judged. How can we improve this situation? P: Look, no matter which platform you are in, there will be haters. Social media is a two sided sword. Yes, it gives you freedom to tell your stories, but the troll army can make you go crazy. To improve the situation you need to keep telling your truth and support the ones who are telling their’s. We as women are conditioned to seek approval from men. The truth is let’s first support our own gender, men will follow suit. We talk about our truths and support another woman who does the same. That will heal the gaps and mend the broken system. A: At last, what advice do you have for all the young writers trying to make it big in the world of Art and Literature? P: Please don’t run after fame. Read, write, read and write more. Become a better writer not a social media influencer. Once you are a good writer, the invites and photos and readers and the compliments follow. Read a lot. Write a lot. There is no short cut to this. |
Paromita Bardoloi is an Independent writer and a theater activist. Her writings over the years have been published in many national websites and magazines, including Huffington Post, National Geographic, Women’s Web, YourStory, Bonobology, Femina , The Quint, Complete Wellbeing and so on. Her writings have mostly dealt with women empowerment. She strongly believes it’s not only laws or education that can empower our women. Empowerment is an inner process that includes self love and self esteem. Over the years, many women have benefited from them. And her work continues to create an equal better India. She has also been invited to be part of panel discussions and guest lectures.
Interviewer: Andrea Ashima |
Question: What is your definition of feminism?
Answer: Feminism is expecting and demanding an environment where men and women are treated equally, paid equally, respected equally, not assumed better or worse than the other, and a general respect for each other. Q: What other definitions of feminism are out there that you are aware of? A: I think everyone hears “Feminism” and thinks “radical-femi-nazi-man-hater.” That’s what my boyfriend thinks when he hears the word. Q: Do you consider yourself a feminist? Why or why not? A: I think first and foremost I am a humanist. I truly believe that a woman and a man, though they have different brain chemistries, can accomplish the same tasks – albeit in possibly different ways. The point of feminism is to give a voice to the women who have been silenced simply because their voices were not considered strong enough to plow through the male wall of misogyny. Q: Describe a feminist moment in your life. A: In college I took a Psychology of Women course. The first assignment was to write a paper explaining what made me a woman. Three pages, not a big deal – I think the instructor just wanted to see where each of us was in our thinking. I wrote the entire paper, then read it to my mom (it was an oral report). In the first sentence, I realized that I hadn’t written about being a woman, but being a person. How I was raised to be a good person, a successful person, a just person, a person who respected differences in people and celebrated all successes, a person who gave money to the random homeless person on the street, as long as my own bills were already paid. I never thought of myself as a woman, or a girl, or a female – not specifically in those words – because I hadn’t been treated specifically “like a girl.” I had been raised to be a contributor to society. The only thing that made me “woman” was the fact that I had two X chromosomes – because technically, scientifically, the only difference between women and men is strictly chemical. I realized that I had to rewrite my entire paper. In one night. I had to look myself in the mirror and figure out what was so “woman” about me? Q: How do you think feminism has affected men? A: Men have always been taught that they are the stronger sex, they need to provide for their families, bring home the bread, fight in the war, take care of the wife... So perhaps, instead of strengthening the bond between husband and wife, the idea of feminism has thrown men for a loop. What is their purpose now? How can they be equal when not long ago they were responsible for making all the decisions? They had power, their voices mattered and were not to be countered. This idea reminds me of a scene in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” when the mother is talking about how the man is the head of the family, but the woman is the neck – and she can turn his head whatever way she needs. In this situation, though, the man believes he is in control of everything – when really, secretly, the woman has been in control the entire time. Opening the man’s eyes causes great stress, because they realize now that they have never had control. They have always been manipulated, but quietly, because by stroking the man’s ego, making him think it was all his idea – strengthened the “strong man” ideas. It is unfortunate, and hopefully the men out there who are strong in themselves and not threatened by the success of women will lift their women up and support their dreams instead of fearing being overshadowed. Q: How do you think feminism has affected the LGBT community? A: I cannot say. I have not been as deeply involved in the LGBT community as I would like, even though I identify as a queer female. Q: Who do you think is going to win this war, and who do you think should win? A: I do not believe there is “a war.” There is a battle, but the war is not really win-able. No one can win this war – that means there is a winner and a loser. If women and men are equal, is there really a loser? Who loses? In my opinion, nobody. This probably shows my naïvete, to think than any world can live in peace with equality for all. However, this is my hope. I dream for a world where my children do not need to fear hatred or anguish or persecution or insults, just because there is someone bigger, or smarter, or more able, or more privileged – because everyone deserves a chance to succeed. Why is anyone’s success determinate on those who have been stepped on? What kind of success is that? That is not success – that is societal privilege. Q: What do you think is left for feminism to accomplish? A: I think humanity has a lot to accomplish. Again, it is probably my naivete showing, but I really believe that people want what is best for themselves and their families. I know the world is not a happy-flowery place, and there are people out there who wish to cause others harm, for no reason except to feel better about themselves, or heal some internal wound. I know that is out there. I wish we could reach others who had this deep-seated hatred towards others and find out the real reason why. It’s not just about feminism. It is about humanism. It is about taking all of the different parts of each other and celebrating our differences, not just acknowledging or accepting them. A black woman and I have different life experiences, just because the color of our skin is different. We need to embrace our differences, to celebrate our many heritages and many backgrounds. |
Full Name: Emily J Vieweg
Location Born: St, Louis, MO Location Residing Currently: Fargo, ND Date of Birth: 04-04-1976 Job Title/Description: Poet, Parent, Educator, Data Processor |
Question: What is your definition of feminism?
Answer: My definition of feminism is social, political, and economic equality for all genders. Q: What other definitions of feminism are out there that you are aware of? A: There are many misconceptions about the meaning of the word feminism. I continue to be surprised by the number of, otherwise informed, people who believe feminism is about hating men or eradicating any sort of femininity. Q: Do you consider yourself a feminist? Why or why not? A: I absolutely consider myself to be a feminist. I believe equality benefits everyone. Q: How do you think feminism has affected women today? A: Feminism has affected women today in so many ways. To name a few, feminism has given women everything from the right to wear pants to the right to vote. It continues to encourage confidence, respect for everyone, and give women a voice. It has been crucial in giving woman many of the things we now take for granted and is still very much needed to progress further. Q: How do you think feminism has affected relationships today in general? A: I think feminism has impacted relationships by allowing them to be based upon mutual respect, kindness, and what works for each individual family, friendship or couple, rather then gender rules, or preconceived ideas about how one should act, dress, think, be treated, etc. as a woman. Q: How do you think feminism has affected men? A: Feminism has affected men by working to free both men and women from gender roles. When we think of gender roles, we often think only of the ones prescribed to women. Men, however, are also affected by gender roles. Our society does not allow men to enjoy anything that is considered feminine, such as shopping, theatre or dance. Men must be tough, therefore they mustn’t express fear or hurt. Men must support the family financially…the list goes on. Q: How do you think feminism has affected the LGBT community? A: Feminism has affected the LGBT community by pushing for equality and respect for everyone, regardless of gender orientation. It has also allowed men to be masculine, women to be feminine, or somewhere in between. Q: Why do you think it was decided that women would be the keepers of men sexually, in the kitchen, etc.? Why do you think it was decided that women should "civilize" men, and the world, by acting traditionally feminine, and how do you feel about this concept? A: I believe many of our ideas on how women should behave stem largely from primitive times, in which physical strength was viewed as the most essential trait. While there are certainly exceptions, men in general are built to be physically stronger than women. Therefore, women were seen as inferior to men. As we have progressed, other traits such as intelligence, mental strength, and creativity have become equally, if not more, important. Somehow, in spite of this, some of the previous views have remained. Q: Who do you think is going to win this war, and who do you think should win? A: I don’t think about feminism as a war, but instead much-needed education. I believe that while some people may have mean or hateful intentions, the larger problem is uniformed people with good intentions. I don't believe this “war” will ever be won or lost. Instead, it will be a continual effort to change paradigms, broaden views, and progress as a society. Q: What do you think is left for feminism to accomplish? If you are not a feminist, what do you think they are still trying to accomplish? A: Unfortunately, feminism still has a considerable amount to accomplish. We have progressed greatly, but still have a long way to go. Feminism still needs to end slut shaming, gender roles, double standards, objectification, unrealistic beauty standards stemming from Photoshop and plastic surgery, body shame, vagina shame, menstruation shame, luxury tax on tampons, unequal pay, and negative attitudes and expressions about women such as “like a girl”, pussy (being used synonymously with weak), and bitch… to name a few. |
Full Name: Courtney Kenny Porto
Location Born: Omaha, NE Location Residing Currently: Omaha, NE Date of Birth: 11-17-1990 Job Title/Description: Visual Artist |